Comparison is the thief of joy but it’s also a vehicle for gratitude. Though not always immediately effective, we gravitate to it the most when trying to ignite gratitude. Sometimes, depression is the result of comparing yourself negatively to other people, but, oddly, comparing yourself to someone who might have it worse than you usually doesn’t bring you out of that kind of depression. CUE: movie scene with depressed teenager and mom saying “there are children starving in the world!” Why does comparing yourself negatively to someone feel more like the truth than comparing yourself positively to someone? Well. It’s simply because seeing yourself as less than someone else is a threat to the ego. We are triggered on a primal level because it is in our nature to thrive and dominate - we kind of can’t help it.
This primal impulse to thrive and dominate can be put into a single word in modern life: Ambition. One doesn’t need to be the next Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos to be an ambitious person. The ambitious person is simply anyone whose primary focus is wanting better. Shoot for the stars! This is the middle class American way. Ambition at its core says “not satisfied.” On the other hand, Gratitude at its core says “satisfied.” They are polar opposites. Without a daily gratitude practice, the ambitious person will never be able to enjoy and appreciate the accomplishments along the way to whatever pursuit they are on - let alone what they already have. One starts to tell themselves that everything they have can be better - SHOULD BE BETTER…everything they do can be better SHOULD BE BETTER…that their relationships and everyone they have in their life can be better SHOULD BE BETTER… and that they will not be happy until they reach a certain level of achievement... However, when they reach the end (over and over again) they face the truth - there is always something or someone better…and they don’t feel the satisfaction they thought they would. In fact, their mind is likely fixated on how what they accomplished could have been executed better or they’re worried about the next thing that they should accomplish / make better or how they still wish they had what someone else has. Ambition becomes an obsession. In America we applaud and encourage “the grind” but we don’t consider or know how to properly handle the weight of the emotional and mental baggage that comes with it. We suck it up and keep going and even though we suffer, it becomes harder and harder to let go. If you ever think we lack culture, remember that this is it. This is the American way.
Experiencing the world through this lens makes us endlessly critical, and judgmental in all aspects of life and we are left with feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, impatience, frustration, burnout, loneliness, bitterness and resentment. Recognizing simple reasons to be grateful often feel fake, and beneath us. At a glance we see gratitude as giving up or having a lazy mindset. Test it for yourself. Do you feel truly grateful in this moment for your heartbeat, your breath, another day of life, living in an age with and having access to indoor plumbing, indoor heating, air conditioning, toothpaste, soap, refrigeration, supermarkets, being an American citizen etc etc? Or have you forgotten that these are nothing short of miracles? What feels more like the truth to you: Looking at your own talents and accomplishments with gratitude or looking at your talents and accomplishments with regret?
Unlike many around the world, our lives are NOT about survival. We have the freedom and luxury to make the necessities we’ve been born with better. Our lives then are more like a game. A GAME. Our pursuits are a privilege but we make them out to be as if they are about survival because our identities become inextricably engulfed in them - it becomes who we are! The type of survival we’ve constructed for ourselves is a social one: we’re either winners or losers. It has been said that for human beings (like many animals) social status is vitally important. We must have other people’s approval so that we are not alone and we seek to dominate so that we can spread our genes. However, that is mostly fear driven and secondary to water, daily bread and shelter. When we realize it’s because we CAN, not because we HAVE to for survival, the anxieties around our ambition melt into gratitude. And When Gratitude hits your heart it unlocks EVERYTHING.
